The writer Sark asks, what would you say if you wrote a letter to the world? My post questioning polarization could be one version of a letter to the world. But this is the sentiment that came to me unbidden when I revisited Sark’s 1998 Bodacious Book of Succulence this week.
I am so much bigger than you think I am. So much louder and more expansive. Kinder, meaner, more thoughtful, more jealous. I am so jealous! Also confused, judgmental, secretly desperate to be wild. And I don’t even realize how quiet I am because my brain is running all the time.
Saying this makes me tired, tired of trying to make myself smaller, tired of waiting for everyone else to speak before I take a turn. Not tired like, too weary to do anything about it. Tired like, I want to shout. Tired like, only recently it hit me how arbitrarily women’s bodies are “better” if they are smaller, and I want to make myself big, so much bigger, to take up more space and wear brighter clothing and laugh more loudly. I want to take up as much space in a room as my thoughts and ideas and questions. I want to sing more and to dance wildly, to whirl around on my back porch with no shirt on, to sing and to laugh so loudly it annoys people (besides my own children). I am so much bigger than you know, than I allow to be seen. I want to make myself bigger.
I would say Dear World, if you are talking or loud right now, just be quiet for a minute and let’s see what it sounds like when all the people who are being quiet and small allow themselves to get big and loud for a sec.
Thank you, Sark. I feel better now.